You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I FOUND THE LEGS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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