I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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