fuck your aforementioned shoe
do herpes really smell.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
