apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I came so hard my ears popped.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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