You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
