my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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