hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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