He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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