Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
