So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
