You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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