The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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