i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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