never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
