Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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