You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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