I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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