bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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