We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
