I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
