I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
