My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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