Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize