I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
