I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
