Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
