Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just high enough for therapy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
