Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
