I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
please come you make the beer taste better
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
