he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
