In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
