matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Fuck appropriateness.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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