What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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