dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
