so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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