dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
