i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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