You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
