I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Boobs are out for the taking
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
