absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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