her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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