He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
