so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
