I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
