three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
