im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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