ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
