I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
