I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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