During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
