oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got chris browned last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
