and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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