I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
