My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
honey bunches of taint.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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