My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
