how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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