I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize