bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
