it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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