I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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