I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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