Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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