That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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