Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
