The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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