I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
