I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
