So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
