At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
