why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
