I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
