He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
